True Telephone conversations recorded from
various Help Desks around the U.K.:
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Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can t get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, but it s really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn t sound good; I ll make a note ..
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn t inserted it yet... it s still on
my desk... sorry ....
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Helpdesk: Click on the my computer icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can t print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ..
Customer: Listen pal; don t start getting technical on me! I m not Bill
Gates damn it!
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Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can t print. Every time I try it says
Can t find printer . I ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the
monitor, but the computer still says he can t find it...
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: No.
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Helpdesk: What s on your monitor now ma am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
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Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It s not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing s
happening...
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can t get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there s another one here. Ah...that one does work!
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Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter
V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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A customer couldn t get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That s not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
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Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you
please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don t understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4
hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
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Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I m writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?
